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Thursday, March 6th, 2003
11:43 pm - there out to get me
i think there s somthing wrong with me
maybe im just paranoid i dont know
but i keep on having these dreams where everyone arounds me is some sort of freak
like biological freak
like last night

remeber only a dream

i dreamt that mi girlfrienad had this pouch coming out of her vigina. it was like a.... sack of some sort and iwas freaked out by it and she was like whats wrong with you. natutally i ran but she cornnerd me. nervously i told her you have something hanging so she takes it and starts shoving it in. liquids and chunks of god knows what were splattering all over the place. her pelvis looked dry and flacky, transparent like ther wings of a beetle. i closed my eyes in disgust and when i opened them my friends mike and omar were there. they were asking me why i was screaming. and i told them i didnt know, and i didnt. so they talk to me for a while before i realize that mike has mouths, with sharp point teeth, layed out slanted through his whole body and omar skellaton was protruding from hte front of his body. naturally i screamed some more and closed my eyes. i open them up again and im standin in a dimly lit red bathroom. there was a blue bathtub in front of me and there was a window that made up the wall behind it. the view was of the moon it was fucking big like in a cartoon and vines that seemed to have phased through the window.
in the bathtub was a firend of mine. a girl named shannon.
she was hidding her self so that i could oly see her shoulders. we were talking but i couldnt remeber about what. so she looks at me and tells me to forget it. so i was upset that i kept on forgetting what was going on. then she sais well, are you gonna join me. ok then let me see it ,she sais to me. im a little nervous now and ask her see wat. so she grabs me by my pants towards her nad unzipps them, pulls out my cock and balls observes them for a moment and says nice but a little bit thin dont you think. nervously i told her i was cold, and when im hard you wouldnt complain. she give me a smile then tells me ok i saw yours let me show mine. thats when some one goes int othe bathroom and drags me away. i was fuckin pissed , its not like i like he girl or anything but i showed her mine and it was my right to see hers. anyways thats wen they i realize it was these freeeky looking guys with long trex like arms and thin long legs . there faces were small big bugged eyes and volture noses smalll separated teeth small jawwed so it loooked like there neck and chin were one and the same.then i woke up.

the night b4 that i dreamed that i wass being auctioned up but piece by piece. so i had to wait tull the auction was over so thye would hack me up

b4 that i dreamt i was growing iron nails out my chest. i felt them ripping through. i tried to keep them back but i just nailed my hands to my chest.

wonder wat the fuck ill dream tonight

current mood: uncomfortable

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Monday, February 10th, 2003
1:12 am - god hates me dogs love me
things ive done since march

got a girlfriend

filled up 13 sketch books

saw 2 movies a week every week since ...
for free

got my permit

lost my permit

went to buffolo

fount my permit
not in buffolo

ate shrimp for the first time

almost died
because of the shrimp

bought four books

read 1 book

bought a playstation 2

broke a control

went to the warped tour snocore and a lodough show and .....
some other thing

almost killed a midgit at warped tour

bought 6 pairs of pants
wear 2

bought 3 pairs of footwear
wear one

13 sirts and sweaters
lost 4

lost 12 pounds
gained 16

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Saturday, May 11th, 2002
12:13 pm - and it all falls into place
so yeah its been a while ..lookin for an apt .. still
cant get into school till then
and im gonna get in too school dammit
now i have a reason
saw spiderman
it was awsome
the credits fuckin rule!
;)

current mood: excited

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Sunday, March 24th, 2002
1:42 am - everythng is wrong, everyones right, and i am alone
i didnt do anything
but am still punshed for it
why why
im detramental for you health
fuck you!
fuck you!
who the fuck are you
you arent a person
i wish you can see what i see
how fake you are
every word
every smle
you are fke to everyone
and you are fake to yourself
involved in your self
never a moent for me
never a kind word
never any respect
why
why the fuck cant you be normal
why do you blam everyone but yourself
why did you throw me out
i did nothng
you know that
then why am i now homeless
for the simple fact that i am a copy of my father
i look like him
and you hate it
and you hate me
so fuck you
i dont care
scream at me
hit me
beat me
do what you want
because ill just laugh in your face
and you hate that
your nothing to me

current mood: i want to cry

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Saturday, March 16th, 2002
1:51 am
i need a theme song
AND NOT A CHEAP BATMAN MOCK BUT WIGN MY NAME IN IT

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Thursday, March 14th, 2002
2:05 pm
i just found out my grandmother died
its weird cus i feel nothing
i didnt know her
she was just the lady i would see once every 3 yrs
we never had anything to talk about
and she would always tell me how i looked like my father
i have to go to the funeral and the wake
thats gonna be awquard
everyone is gonna be crying and im gonna be like i didnt know her so tough for you
i might get to meet a couple of my fathers brothers
i know 1 out of like 12
its weird cus my father was crying on the phone
ive never heard him cry
never even seen him tear
if anything, thats the only thing that has me shocked

current mood: huh

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2:05 am - im gonna make this long and confusing ... i dunno
lets see ...what have i been up to lately

fell in love with a friend
shes a great girl ....unfortunately i ... well im a complete loser ...
i mean i really have it for her ...and its not just cus i want to bang her ....its really cus im in love with her or at least think i am
pittiful, no?
im concidering telling her ... but i ...i just dont think i can stand getting rejected and if i do which i my chances here are small ..... atomic small ....and i dont want to lose her as a friend so im prabably gonna keep my mouth shut. the thing is she confuses me so much . i mean there are some thimes when i look at her and she just looks at me back ... but i dont know if its just cus shes comfortable with me or cus i have somethin on my face . i dont know ... i mean i think everybody knows by now but her ...and if she does know then she doesnt even want to acknowlidge it cus i dont know cus im a jerk ...and i...
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHH
damn
fuck
this shit completely sucks
my freinds keep telling me to tell her but i just dont think i can
thas prababy why she hangs with me cus she know .. all flirting aside... tha i wouldnt try something
which is what i did the last time i liked some one ...and cometo find out they had a crush on me anyways ...but thats different cus i didnt like her that mush it was just cus i thought she was cute
and with this girl is more then looks
dont get me wrong i think shes cute
but its just her ... i dont know how else to explain it
god dammit
i dont know maybe i should tell her
but i dont want to lose her
and her a s a freind is beter then nothing i supose
but her as a lover wouldnt hurt none
ill take what i can get
god
damn
fuck
anyways ...anything else in my life
hmmm got to call the school up and i have to fill up my fasfa
i have to clean up my room
im gonna start a diet .... have to lose these last 30 pounds .... why is it that i lose 80 like nothing and its the last 30 tats givin me a problem
i need more pants
i need to clean my room
like really bad
its a fuckin mess
my mom says im ruining her love life cus she read a book on fung shuie or however its spelled
and acoording to that ...the corner of my room is the part of the apt that represents love ...and i have whole bunch of evil lookin paitings on that and like 5 heftys 2 crates like mad boxes comics and cds freakin books and pics ...and now shes blaming me cus i have her love life a mess ...
shes nutty like that ...the kook
but i got to clean that shit
mike ....freakin mike finnaly has a girl ... i am soo freaked out by that
its like when is it going to rain blood
its just weird i mean thats mike ...hes soposed to stay pure forever
im gonna see bush and default tonigth ...
hopefully i ll forget all my troubles or get trampelled in a mosh pit
hey ill shoot for both ..might as well ..right..
uhm got to cut my hair agian ... im thinking of dying it ...but im a big motherfucker so it might just look retarted on me
im looking into gyms
im sketching really weird shit
im gonna break night sometime soon so i can get my sleeping pattern to normal
im gonna pay omar back 40
no maybe just 25
im gonna get something pierced ... i dont know what ...but i must ...
im gonna buy the strokes cd and im gonna freakin find out the name of that fuckin pearl jam song they keep playing on krock ...they actually played it at work
and i was like what the fucki they only play fuckin nasty crap ..and theyre gonna play this ... what the fuckin name ... dammit ...
they fallowed it up wit incubus ...ben folds 5 and colplay ... weird! too weird !!
im gonna start a painting but i need to buy new brushes and terpuntine
and a smok
and you can say what ever .... but im also buying new white stripes cd ...
fuck you!!!!
keep your comments to yourself!
im gonna install more meme to my comp ..and by a new hardrive ...
im gonna look into used ps2
im gonna rent silent hill
im gonna buy missing issues of j. t. h. m.
yeah.. i think thats it
i guess ... lets see anything else ...
im gonna buy more pants
thats about it
no i said that b4
yea so ill just buy alot of pants
watever
life sucks
i think ill take up something hazardous for me
death takes too long
that fucker

current mood: crushed

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Monday, March 4th, 2002
1:15 pm
IGNORANT BITCHES SPOIL MY APETITE

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Thursday, February 21st, 2002
1:50 am
goin to a concert next week
you know what that means

NEW PANTS!!!!!!!!!

i got my eye on these black kiks
they re sweet
super sweet
i want to make love to them
sweet love

but then i couldnt wear them to the concert
oh well as long as i get sweet lovin

im gonna see alien ant farm and adema glass jaw and fenix tx

lol im exited
really exited
but i can give 2 shits about fenix tx ....i happen to think they suck
alot
look

shit
shit

see 2

any who i wanna see glass jaw and aaf alot

maybe i should get the jncos ive had my eye on ....
what to do?!
what to do?!

damn ive been doing my art shit like a maniac
im talkin hardcore sketching
and im actually finishing something
i havent done that since ....last may
damn
i got to get all my shit ready by next tuesday cus im gonna see soem dude from the school of visual arts

oooo please anyone who cares to read for my shit
keep your fingures crossed
if i dotn get in i dont know what the fuck im gonna do
i dont think i have anything left

maybe thats the whole reason ive been delaying myself
cus of the rejection
damn im such a pussy

current mood: pessimistic

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Monday, February 18th, 2002
12:05 am
they let me go home early cus i feel like shit
i had a bad dream last night
feely really fuckin creeped out by it

someone make me soup

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Friday, February 15th, 2002
1:36 am
i want to see hook

current mood: dorky

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Thursday, February 7th, 2002
4:15 am
goodnight

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Wednesday, February 6th, 2002
4:06 am
Sublime-What I Got LyricsSublime-What I Got

Early in the morning
Rising to the street
Light me up a cigarette
And I strap shoes on my feet
I got to find a reason
A reason things went wrong
I got to find a reason why my money's all gone
But I got a dalmation
And I can still get high
I can play the guitar like a mother fuckin' riot

Life is (too short sic.)
So love the one you got
Cause you might get run over and you might get shot
Never start no static I just get it off my chest
Never had to battle with no bulletproof vest
Take a small example take a tip from me
Take all your money give it up to charity
Lovin's what I got
It's within my reach
And the sublime style's still straight from long beach

CHORUS:
Lovin' is what I got
I said remember that
Lovin' is what I got
I said remember that

It all comes back to you you're gonna get what you deserve
Try and test that you you're gonna get served
Love's what I got don't start a riot
You'll feel it when the dance gets hot

(chorus)

I don't cry when my dog runs away
I don't get angry at the bills I have to pay
I don't get angry when my mom smokes pot
Hits the bottle and goes back to the rock
Fuckin' and fightin' it's all the same
Livin' with Loui Dog's the only way to stay sane
Let the lovin' let the lovin' come back to me

(chorus)

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2:44 am
I DID SOMETHING VERY BAD

TAHNK GOD MY LIFE IS HELL
ANYTHING ELSE WOULD BE A STEP UP

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Thursday, January 31st, 2002
4:26 am - I HAVE THE FACE OF A 12 YR OLD GIRL
i did it
i shaves my mustache
my upper lip is cold
im not lying about that either
its starting to turn blue
hope it falls off its too big anyways


on the plus side my face is smooooooooooooooth
i dont know if its like a babys but ....cus ive never touched one
but i can say that its probably just as smooth

im trying to get some of the girls i know to pose nude for me
ha they all think im trying to fuck them..........
but im not
im also trying to get soem of my
dudes to do the same.... they think im trying to fuck them ...............
but im not
its all to polish up my portfolio
fuckin school wants me to have to have study drawings and shit
and i wanna get my shit all nice so that when i go to a portfolio review they could be all like ...wow fuck school heres your deploma .....ha yeah right ...theyll probably be like what are you doing in my office SECURITY!!!!!!!
lol
god my lip is like getting the only breeze

current mood: bouncy

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Thursday, November 22nd, 2001
2:45 pm
HAHAHAHAHAHA
HAPPY FUCKIN THANKSGIVING
YOU BETTER HAVE A HAPPY
CUS I SUIRE AS HELL AINT
....LETS SEE
IT WAS SOME JERKS IDEA TO GO TO SOME ONE ELSES HOUSE ...RIGHT
SO THEN MY MOM AND SISTER ....WELL...DECIDE TO GO AND FUCK UP EVERY THING BY FIGHTING
SO NOW MY MOM DOESNT WANT TO GO
AND IM NOT GONNNA GO CUS WELL IM NOT GOIN WITHOUT MY MOM ....NOTTHAT IM A MAMAS BOY ....BUT I DONT WANT TO LOOK LIKE I LEFT HER ALONE OR WHAT NOT ....
SOOOOOOO IM LEFT SERE FUCKED OVER ...ONCE MORE
BY MY FAMILIES BULLSHIT
SO YEAH HMMM LOOKS LIKE ILL EITHER HAVE TO ORDER OUT FOR SOMETHING ....OR ....SETTLE FOR A BOWL OF GENERIC CORNFLAKES

IM ON A BUDGET HERE SO
THAT BOWL OF GENERIC CORNFLAKES IS OOKIN MIGHTY NICE

current mood: HUNGRY AND FUCKIN PISSED OFF

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Sunday, November 11th, 2001
1:47 am - FUCK ME....... FUCK ME GOOD
DAMMIT...
please prey for me ....well not for me i dont deserve that but for my wallet.
prey for my wallet and hope that its snuggled safely in the confines of the pocket of my work jeans ...and prey that they are safely tucked in my locker ........
o god ....fuck me fuck me good ...thats the onnly way i gwet fucked...or at least fucked over ....
lets hope some one fuond it and will generously return it ..not because its what i would do ...or because its the right thing to do .....but because they are retarded and are genuinly inicent of all things wrong
prey ...please prey

current mood: pissed off

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Friday, November 9th, 2001
2:54 pm - BREATHE
Breathe, breathe in the air.
Don't be afraid to care.
Leave but don't leave me.
Look around and choose your own ground.

Long you live and high you fly
And smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be.

Run, rabbit run.
Dig that hole, forget the sun,
And when at last the work is done
Don't sit down it's time to dig another one.

For long you live and high you fly
But only if you ride the tide
And balanced on the biggest wave
You race towards an early grave.

current mood: lethargic

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Sunday, October 28th, 2001
1:38 am - I TALK MAD BULLSHIT WHEN IM TIRED
MetaL EyeD GeckO: i'm actually looking foward to sleep
nothingud2say: lol yes my secret dream life\
MetaL EyeD GeckO: lol what ?
nothingud2say: lol you have no secret dream life
MetaL EyeD GeckO: i dont
nothingud2say: lol im a spY who works for a secret organiztion to fight pornography
MetaL EyeD GeckO: LoL!!
MetaL EyeD GeckO: wait, i wanna play
nothingud2say: little do they suspect that i am infact the porn emporer
MetaL EyeD GeckO: Lol!!!
nothingud2say: with my didlo crown i rule all things pertanin to adult or mature content and or anything that holds the ensignia of the tripple x
MetaL EyeD GeckO: oh lord
MetaL EyeD GeckO: this is the winner right here

current mood: silly

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Friday, October 26th, 2001
4:03 am
Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun
Up on in this, dance for me
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for me

Come on everybody get on up
Cause you know we gots to get it crunk
Mary J. is in the spot tonight
As I'mma make it feel alright (Make it feel alright)
Come on baby just party with me
Let loose and set your body free
Leave your situations at the door
So when you step inside jump on the floor

Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun
Up on in this, dance for me
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for me

It's only gonna be about a matter of time
Before you get loose and start loose your mind
Cop you a drink, go head and rock your ice
Cause we celebrating No More Drama in our life
With a great track pumpin', everybody's jumpin'
Goin ahead and twist your back and get your body bumpin'
I told you leave your situations at the door
So grab somebody and get your ass on the dance floor

Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun
Up on in this, dance for me
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for me

We don't need, don't need, no haters
Just try to love one another
We just want y'all have a good time
No more drama in your life
Work real hard to make a dime
If you got beef, your problem, not mine
Leave all that BS outside
We're gonna celebrate all night
Let's have fun, tonight, no fights
Turn the great track way
Making you dance all night and I
Got some real heat for ya this time
Doesn't matter if you're white or black
Let's get crunk cuz Mary's back

Let's get it crunk, we gon' have fun
Up on in this, dance for me
We got ya open, now ya floatin'
So you gots to dance for me
Don't need no hateration, holleratin'
In this dance for me
Let's get it percolatin', while you're waiting
So just dance for me

lol goin through my sisters playlist
i have too much time on my hands

current mood: awake

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